Take the Ground You've Already Traveled

As you begin to fly between your trapezes and embark on the journey toward your Vision, you can easily fall into the trap of defining yourself by the circumstances of your current situation (especially if the choice to change was not your own). If you recently ended a relationship or lost a job or experienced some other situation that shook your foundations, you might see that situation as who you are rather than where you are. 

When this happens, you shortchange yourself and limit your internal tools for achieving your Vision.  Even if the change you are pursuing doesn’t include this kind of situation, it is essential that you bring all you have accomplished to bear on the journey.

Each of us has times of success in our lives.  Times when we have overcome a crisis, accomplished a great feat, survived a difficult time, or just found something new in ourselves.  These times are “defining moments” for us, and they say more about us than our failures, our fears, and our garbage we tossed out in Step 2. 

Another saying amongst trapeze artists is: “Never confuse falling with failing.”  In extending our reach and pursuing our Vision, we will undoubtedly be faced with times when we feel like we have failed and are foolish to believe in our Vision at all.  But if the trapeze artist doesn’t allow himself to fall while learning the next great trick, he will be forever limited to what he has already achieved. Falling is part of learning, just as the first few spills on your two-wheeler were necessary parts of learning to fly down the road on your ten-speed bike.

There was a billboard along the highway that showed on one side a picture of Abraham Lincoln and one the other, as words in a list, “Failed.  Failed.  Failed.  Success.”  Imagine how the world would have lacked had Lincoln decided he had achieved enough and didn’t reach further.

So instead of looking at the times you have fallen, look at the times you have triumphed.  These times may come in a crisis, or they may come in a specific effort.  They may have gotten recognition by the world, or they may have only been noticed by you.  These are times when you rose above the “normal” and experienced something that showed your passion, your inner strength, or your talents.

Some examples of defining moments might be the time you won the spelling bee in fourth grade, or the time you nailed the presentation to the boss, or the time you walked away from a fight rather than engaged in it.  Or it might be the time the firefighters rushed into the World Trade Center, or the time we all stood silently and prayed for those who did.  Or it might be the discovery that you really can sing, or that you found a new spiritual connection, or that you hit the home run, or you closed the big deal, or you walked away from a temptation to stray in your marriage.

All these times are moments that draw on the core of who you are.  They rise above the “types” we think we are, and they contain the passion and the resolve that carry you to your Vision.  We need to know these moments and celebrate them, and use them as a springboard to our Wildest Dreams.

Imagine it this way: if you looked at your life along a long timeline, and drew in the high and low points, you would have a picture that looked undoubtedly like a side view of a mountain range.  The times spent in the valleys, you were the same person that was on the peaks.  What changed was the times, and the circumstances (and maybe some learning along the way, of course).  So as you face the future, and imagine yourself living your Vision, lead from the peaks.  Know that you are the person that had the resolve, the passion, the ability to make that peak happen, and you can apply that all again to create even greater peaks ahead.

Just as importantly, as you move down the path to your Vision, you will have successes, large and small, along the way.  They could be simply saying your Vision out loud to a friend, or they could be getting to an important milestone along the way.  Whatever they are, celebrate them and acknowledge them. Write them in your notebook, and give yourself a little treat.  Whatever might be help you note the positive and affirming moment you have created. 

Exercise

Take some time and think back over your life, looking for the defining moments you have created.  Many people think at first that they don’t have any defining moments, that their life has just been one flat ride.  But on closer inspection, and with a little compassion for themselves, they see not only a moment or two, but many moments that defined who they were and where they were going.

Give yourself some time and allow yourself to see the times that had meaning.  From your childhood right up to yesterday, you have been creating moments that showed your true core.  List as many as you can think of and try not judge whether they are “good enough” or as good as someone else’s.  They are your moments and it doesn’t matter what anyone else may think of them.

If one of the times that you drew on your strength and your passion was standing up to the bully in the schoolyard, put it on the list.  If it was overcoming the fear of speaking to a meeting of your peers, or refinishing a piece of furniture, it belongs on the list.  You get to decide, but be open and compassionate with yourself about what had meaning to you.

Once you have made your list (and you can add to it at any time), look over the list and think about what each moment contained for you.  Make a second list that includes the qualities, skills, passion, determination, or whatever that moment held for you in your life.  Again, don’t be stingy with your view of the moment and don’t judge. 

Try to look at it as if a close friend came to you and asked for your help.  You would most likely be more generous and forgiving of a friend than you might be of yourself, so try to look at it from a friend’s perspective.  Draw out the best of what you have accomplished.

If as you look at the list, ideas come to mind, or you observe themes or groupings, note them in your notebook as well. 

Take the best of your moments and post them in the Defining Moments Forum.  Tell the world about who you are and what you have done. And get inspired by what others have shared about their life.

These pages are your mountaineering guidebook.  They are the maps to your defining moments and therefore to who you are and what you have to use on the journey.  Lead from these places, the places you have been at your peaks.

Remember that you bring into your life the things you focus on, so look at this list often. Remind yourself that you aren’t your circumstances, and you aren’t your problems, but are the person that has all the qualities, passion, skills, and abilities you have listed on your pages.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined!”

Thoreau

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