Making the
Choice and the Commitment to Love
Alexandra, Chicago, IL
My story is a little different from all
the others. At least it feels like it. I am a bisexual
woman, and I found myself at a crisis about five years
ago. Now my life is amazing.
I first discovered
that I was bisexual in college. I had relationships
with boys in high school, and they were great. But even
then I found myself attracted to the girls as well.
When I was in college, I had my first real relationship
with a woman. Not just sex or some experimenting, but I
was really in love. The relationship ended, not because
we were both women, but like any other relationship in
college that just ran its course. Over the years, I’ve
had relationships with men and women, and I’ve been in
love with both.
My crisis came about
five years ago as I turned 35. I was suddenly
overwhelmed with the feeling that I had to choose. I
knew I wanted a family, and I wanted to find a long term
relationship that I could “settle down” with. I was
never promiscuous, and my relationships were all pretty
serious. But I felt the need to make a choice. I wasn’t
dating anyone at the time, so there wasn’t even a chance
to just “stick with what I had.”
I actually fell into
a depression, though I was able to manage it with some
mediation and therapy. But I was plagued with the
feeling everyday that I had to decide, even though there
wasn’t anything to decide. I started reading and
listening to speakers on faith and spiritual growth, and
began meditating regularly. Even in my conflict, I felt
like the right person would show up.
My family didn’t
really make things any easier, because they all wanted
me to find a nice man and live a “normal” life. They
all said it was because it was easier in our society
that way. While that is true is many ways, I couldn’t
let society’s rules dictate how I made my decision.
About three years
ago, I met a woman in meditation class that I was
taking, and we immediately felt a strong attraction.
She is a little younger than I am, and has always been a
lesbian, but was also feeling a need to find something
more in her life and make a commitment. We started
dating, and the relationship has grown into something
amazing. We share not only similar values and deep love
for each other, but through our meditation and spiritual
work, we have a deeper connection that really has
comforted us as we made our next big decision.
Last year, we
decided to have a child together, and a good male friend
of ours volunteered to be a donor. My partner is now
pregnant, and expecting in two months. Everything is
going wonderfully, and we couldn’t be happier. We have
also agreed that when our state allows same-sex
marriages, that we will get married as well.
Somehow, I feel like I had to go through
the dark time and find this spiritual part of me before
I could really know what my dream was. Maybe that was
really the decision I had to make. Even though we have
all the struggles every other couple has, we are happy
and committed, so my story has a happy ending. |
