Take the Ground
You've Already Traveled
As you begin to fly
between your trapezes and embark on the journey toward
your Vision, you can easily fall into the trap of
defining yourself by the circumstances of your current
situation (especially if the choice to change was not
your own). If you recently ended a relationship or lost
a job or experienced some other situation that shook
your foundations, you might see that situation as who
you are rather than where you are.
When this happens,
you shortchange yourself and limit your internal tools
for achieving your Vision. Even if the change you are
pursuing doesn’t include this kind of situation, it is
essential that you bring all you have accomplished to
bear on the journey.
Each of us has times
of success in our lives. Times when we have overcome a
crisis, accomplished a great feat, survived a difficult
time, or just found something new in ourselves. These
times are “defining moments” for us, and they say
more about us than our failures, our fears, and our
garbage we tossed out in Step 2.
Another saying
amongst trapeze artists is: “Never confuse falling with
failing.” In extending our reach and pursuing our
Vision, we will undoubtedly be faced with times when we
feel like we have failed and are foolish to believe in
our Vision at all. But if the trapeze artist doesn’t
allow himself to fall while learning the next great
trick, he will be forever limited to what he has already
achieved. Falling is part of learning, just as the first
few spills on your two-wheeler were necessary parts of
learning to fly down the road on your ten-speed bike.
There was a
billboard along the highway that showed on one side a
picture of Abraham Lincoln and one the other, as words
in a list, “Failed. Failed. Failed. Success.”
Imagine how the world would have lacked had Lincoln
decided he had achieved enough and didn’t reach further.
So instead of
looking at the times you have fallen, look at the times
you have triumphed. These times may come in a crisis,
or they may come in a specific effort. They may have
gotten recognition by the world, or they may have only
been noticed by you. These are times when you rose
above the “normal” and experienced something that showed
your passion, your inner strength, or your talents.
Some examples of
defining moments might be the time you won the spelling
bee in fourth grade, or the time you nailed the
presentation to the boss, or the time you walked away
from a fight rather than engaged in it. Or it might be
the time the firefighters rushed into the World Trade
Center, or the time we all stood silently and prayed for
those who did. Or it might be the discovery that you
really can sing, or that you found a new spiritual
connection, or that you hit the home run, or you closed
the big deal, or you walked away from a temptation to
stray in your marriage.
All these times are
moments that draw on the core of who you are. They rise
above the “types” we think we are, and they contain the
passion and the resolve that carry you to your Vision.
We need to know these moments and celebrate them, and
use them as a springboard to our Wildest Dreams.
Imagine it this way:
if you looked at your life along a long timeline, and
drew in the high and low points, you would have a
picture that looked undoubtedly like a side view of a
mountain range. The times spent in the valleys, you
were the same person that was on the peaks. What
changed was the times, and the circumstances (and maybe
some learning along the way, of course). So as you face
the future, and imagine yourself living your Vision,
lead from the peaks. Know that you are the person
that had the resolve, the passion, the ability to make
that peak happen, and you can apply that all again to
create even greater peaks ahead.
Just as importantly,
as you move down the path to your Vision, you will have
successes, large and small, along the way. They could
be simply saying your Vision out loud to a friend, or
they could be getting to an important milestone along
the way. Whatever they are, celebrate them and
acknowledge them. Write them in your notebook, and give
yourself a little treat. Whatever might be help you
note the positive and affirming moment you have
created.
Exercise
Take some time and
think back over your life, looking for the defining
moments you have created. Many people think at first
that they don’t have any defining moments, that their
life has just been one flat ride. But on closer
inspection, and with a little compassion for themselves,
they see not only a moment or two, but many moments that
defined who they were and where they were going.
Give yourself some
time and allow yourself to see the times that had
meaning. From your childhood right up to yesterday, you
have been creating moments that showed your true core.
List as many as you can think of and try not judge
whether they are “good enough” or as good as someone
else’s. They are your moments and it doesn’t
matter what anyone else may think of them.
If one of the times
that you drew on your strength and your passion was
standing up to the bully in the schoolyard, put it on
the list. If it was overcoming the fear of speaking to
a meeting of your peers, or refinishing a piece of
furniture, it belongs on the list. You get to decide,
but be open and compassionate with yourself about what
had meaning to you.
Once you have made
your list (and you can add to it at any time), look over
the list and think about what each moment contained for
you. Make a second list that includes the qualities,
skills, passion, determination, or whatever that moment
held for you in your life. Again, don’t be stingy with
your view of the moment and don’t judge.
Try to look at it as
if a close friend came to you and asked for your help.
You would most likely be more generous and forgiving of
a friend than you might be of yourself, so try to look
at it from a friend’s perspective. Draw out the best of
what you have accomplished.
If as you look at
the list, ideas come to mind, or you observe themes or
groupings, note them in your notebook as well.
Take the best of
your moments and post them in the
Defining Moments Forum. Tell the world about
who you are and what you have done. And get inspired by
what others have shared about their life.
These pages are your
mountaineering guidebook. They are the maps to your
defining moments and therefore to who you are and what
you have to use on the journey. Lead from these places,
the places you have been at your peaks.
Remember that you
bring into your life the things you focus on, so look at
this list often. Remind yourself that you aren’t your
circumstances, and you aren’t your problems, but are the
person that has all the qualities, passion, skills, and
abilities you have listed on your pages.
“Go confidently in the direction of
your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined!”
Thoreau
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